Running about a week behind on these now.

So we avoided writing much on here for the last week or so, in Vienna for good reasons and in Prague for the complete bloody opposite.

I'm writing this fairly pissed in Berlin at 10pm on a European keyboard, so gimme a break if its a bit messy.

Rome was amazing, a cultural wonderland that never attempted to cash in on itself to much. Sure, you could buy the generic tacky souveniers, but you can do that in any city, at least this place had some culture to sleaze it's self from. As much as I would like to write about it, I have about as much memory of it right now as I do patience. Mincia just dropped her snickers on the floor to, now its covered in hair and she is offering me some. Lovely. All I remember is that it was fucking ridiculously hot, and men in sandles kept trying to sell me roses. Whether they thought it was a pleasent gift for my lovely girlfriend, or they just thought I was sexy as Hercules himself, is up for debate. It was, however, regular, irritating and awkward. We also went to a water park, so stupidly fun, I went on the second biggest verticle drop water slide in Europe, 80 foot or something ridiculous, all I remember is the feeling of having my testicles inverted into my body through the earths own forces, now that's a manly ride.

But. And a massive but here guys. We're talking Jennifer Lopez after 10 years of marriage massive BUTT here now. BUT. For gods sake, dont go swimming topless in 36 degrees blazing sun for hours on end. It's a fucking stupid idea. Damn, did we pay the price. I looked like a cherry flavoured CHUBBA CHUP, or whatever they are called, those nasty american lollypops. You know the one. Mincia only burned her knees, was funny. Still, she looked so sexy in those short shorts. Score.

Vienna would take more than the 7 minutes of credit I have to write about. I'll try my hardest to update when I get on to a PC next time, sted of just contemplating whether to add retards from college on Facebook who have sent friend requests through, usually via that new "friend recommendation" thing. Whoever thought that was a good idea needs to be casstrated with a nailgun.

Peace.

-Tobias

California, is good to the homeless

I saw a tramp having a wank in the cultural district of Vienna yesterday. Actually, it looked more like he was furiously trying to get his cock out to have a wank, but it did serve as a reminder as to how crap the tramps back home are.

For instance, we have seen at least three beggars here who have ingeniously spent a portion of their begging money on a crutch, practiced a crap limp and have gone for the wounded animal approach to pitying me out of my money. You'd think this would make them easier to avoid, you would be entirely wrong. The tramps in cambridge do not attempt to chase you down, even if it is with all the grace of a disabled zombie who smells of chips, beer and old pissy blankets. The more experienced of the crutch wielders has learnt to spin on an axis as well as hobbling along in order to beg at as many angles as possible. Amazing.

Shit, didn't mean to talk about tramps for that long. The holiday is fun, we are doing stuff, and uhh yea I'm probably out of time. Will update this later with Dominika about Rome, a 14 hour train journey whilst immiting a sunburn capable of heating (and lighting) a sauna, and my favorite city so far - Vienna.

Tobias
xxx

Sunburn and electrical storms

Wow, alot has happened since our last blog.

Last time we wrote, we were off to Rome from Switzerland on a couchette (a fancy french term for a sleeper train). This was an interesting experience.

Expecting to have some time to ourselves, we boarded the train and with difficulty (European trains are so confusingly numbered) found our cabin to find that it was already crammed to the brim with 4 other people, gawping at us as we stumbled in. An awkward silence followed. But soon enough we got chatting to them and they turned out to be pretty safe; two large, gobby Canadians (whom I nearly asked where they were from in the States haha, biiiig mistake) and then bluntly (according to Tobi) stated that they would 'obviously be sleeping on the bottom bunks'...after realising the tense silence I hastily added it was because they had to get up earlier than us, yeaaaah...(Tobias note: she basically called them fatties, it was hilarious.)

The other two people in the cabin were a couple comprised of a half Australian Londoner and a Scouser - really nice, down to earth, witty couple - almost like a mirror reflection of Tobias and I. <3

Anyhoo, that sleeper train must have been the most uncomfortable bed we've ever slept in - hard as a rock and narrow as a diving board. The train kept stopping every hour too for looooong periods of time and all we could hear was the Italian instructors babbling away to themselves. Lazy arseholes. When we got to Italy we were served the breakfast of all deliciousness; some what seemed like 5 year old, flaky croissants with orange juice, 20% 'juice' it exclaimed proudly. The croissant left a weird residue in my mouth for days.

I will add more about Rome shortly, am off now to enjoy a nice day in Vienna, in the midst of sunny spells, humid overdrafts, heavy showers and amazing electrical storms.

-Dominika

Here we go.

We were on a train today, moving through the south of France through the alps and towards the beautiful rolling plains of Switzerland. This would have been an amazingly relaxed and calm experience had it not been for the psychopathic looking old woman sitting opposite us. According to Dominika, she watched me whilst I slept. I was a lot more comfortable before she shared this information.

We weren't even planning to visit the Swisslanders, but we had to take a 10 hour pit stop here to get from Paris to Rome. It's a beautiful country, with scenic views and well, not a lot else... unless you are particularly fond of cheese fondue. We're just on the North Western border at the moment, in some university town called Lausanne, it sits overlooking a massive lake, the mountains around it pierce the clouds which create an awesome looking mist that rolls over the water. Nice.

Dominika visited a few old gothic cathedrals and the such, where as I lured birds over with peanut butter and kicked them in the face*.

It's all a lot more relaxing than our first day; everything that could possibly have gone wrong did. Worst of all was losing my brand new PCgamer, to which I am still raging.

1. we were late for the train
2. our tickets weren't valid because STA travel are shit
3. had to pay double the amount for new tickets to get to Paris
4. we arrived in Paris ... what a shithole
5. got lost on the French underground for about an hour.

Finally got tickets to Rome, via this pretentious little university town in Switzerland, on a sleeper train. Got a grotty little hotel room next to the station we left from at 8am this morning, the view was nice enough but it was a bit of a dump. It also had sticky walls which really creeped us out. Went to a restaurant where Dominika got soup that looked like Jizz. It was called swallow nest soup. Tasty, tasty irony.

I have developed a fantastic way of dealing with people who speak little to no English, it is so awesome that it is completely subliminal, even to myself; thankfully Dominika is kind enough to point out everytime I do it.

It works like this, you speak very LOUDLY and very s-l-o-w-l-y, nodding and smiling sweetly as they answer back, if this response is not met with a reasonable answer then you hush them by raising a finger and ask them to 'wait one moment', turn to your partner and exclaim very loudly "what the fuck are they on about?".

So, lots of stress but equal measures of fun, already within the first two and a bit days.

Rome, here we come.

-Tobias

*they were alrite, its nps so dont cry.